1000 web dates an in-the-trenches view of dating and relationships today

30May/083

Finally!

No, I'm not dating the guy I've been yapping about for weeks. This is better! Finally - FINALLY - a smarty-pants man has listened to women and their rants about what is wrong with dating today, and blogged about it. Marc F., resident blogger over at the Diary of a Disillusioned Dater, blew up (deservedly) at all the guys out there who "screw my shit up". Meaning, the jackasses that trample over women for their own personal gain, making it harder for the real men out there who actually want to date. Because let's face it: most single women by the time they hit 30 are nursing at least one serious love wound, and I don't hear about nice guys inflicting that kind of lingering damage.

I've never heard of Marc before. I found his link in a forum I read once in a while, and thought the blog name sounded intriguing. As I read further and further into his diatribe however, I was left mumbling to myself, "Finally!" or nodding my head in agreement. Yes sir, you've pretty much pegged every smarmy thing a guy can do to a single woman looking, and did so with the disgust and language the behavior deserves. Brava!

22May/080

Meeting Someone from a Dating Site

Remember Better Than Sex Guy? Well, our several weeks-long chatting frenzy has come to an end. He currently lives elsewhere, but has retired early and is moving here at the end of the month. So no 'net for him until the 2nd.

He seems like a genuinely nice guy to me. Having said that, I've got red warning bells flashing in my head. Ok, maybe more like yellow ones, and not because I'm meeting him from a dating site. More just.. well.. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Maybe its because he doesn't email more than two sentences at a time. Ever. Or perhaps its that in each of his photos, he looks like a completely different person. I am tempted to ask which photo he looks the most like TODAY, but I haven't wanted to waste his two sentence response. Yet.

And then there's his kid. Which wouldn't be an issue - if the kid were his. Strange, I know. He says he met the child's mother when she was 2 months pregnant, and when they split up almost two years later, she didn't want the little guy. So he took custody.

Admirable, for sure. And I definitely gave him kudos for such a selfless act. But why can't I shake the feeling that there is more to this story? I mean, isn't there always some sort of baby mama drama in these kinds of situations?

22May/080

Ew.

A message today on OkCupid from a mustached man more than 20 years my senior and over 2500 miles away: "The OK Cupid computer seems to think I should message you. Any ideas why? :) "

My reply: "I don't know. Do you always do what the OkCupid computer tells you to?"

I knew there was a reason why I never trust a man with a mustache. A goatee however, I can really get into. But a mustache? Creepy.

21May/082

What’s Better Than Sex?

I've been chatting with a gent on OkCupid for a week or two. Initially he added me to his friends' list, but didn't say a word. Always the curious one, I checked him out and discovered he was a single dad of one, and was moving to my town at the end of the month. So, I said hi.

Most of the conversations we've had are short and sweet. He's an obvious fan of netspeak (which irks me), and hasn't managed to write more than two lines in reply no matter what the topic of conversation. I get he's a single dad and probably doesn't have a lot of time on his hands to chat though, so I've given him the benefit of the doubt. For now.

All of our "conversations" have happened on OkCupid so far. In one email, he told me that raising his son and watching him grow into a toddler was - literally - better than sex. HUH?!

I wasn't sure how to reply to that one. I mean, I love kids. Really. I adore them. But, I also love sex. Quite a lot. But I've never thought of comparing the two before. Uh... yeah, no.

I basically said just that, after pondering my response for a couple of days. His reply? He hasn't "gotten any" since he had his son, so he was trying to convince himself that caring for a child could replace (or at least make you forget about) physical intimacy with an adult you're romantically involved with.

Hm. I dunno about this guy.

20May/080

My Tarot Card Love Forecast

Once in a while I like to read my own tarot cards. I picked up a deck a number of years ago, and when I feel the urge, I sit down and do a reading. Last night I read my cards for the first time in months.

I used a new four-card spread that I've never used before, found in a tarot card reading book. Its basic intent is to read the situation, obstacle, action recommended and outcome of a specific situation. I thought it would be interesting to do a reading about the guy I'm still in love with (according to my friends). What the hell, right?

I should add that every single piece of advice I've been given on the subject - both from friends and random blog commenters - has been to be direct with the guy. Let him know how I feel. Take the reigns and stop living in wait. Which I know is what I need to do, but I'm a gutless coward about these kinds of things. Whatever happened to men pursuing? Well with this guy, I've always known I'd have to be the pursuer. It's just the way he's wired.

So I wasn't shocked when my first card (situation) told me that I either needed to, or was meditating about a problem. I wasn't acting, I was thinking, and it was the right course of action. Take some time to rest and relax, contemplate and meditate. Spend some time alone and don't make any decisions.

Yup, that's pretty much what I've been doing.

My next card (obstacle) told me - literally - to stop worrying, and that everything was great. I have a bright future ahead of me. Think positively.

I was a bit stunned after that card.

The next card (action required) blew me away. I'll just quote exactly what is written on the card. "Be bold. Unleash your adventurous side! Take risks and be daring."

I ended the reading (outcome) with a card that said by following the tarot card's guidance, I would be unleashing my inner goddess.

If that isn't a smack in the arse, I don't know what is.

The Behinder (so named by a friend because he lives behind me) and I have tentative plans this weekend to watch a movie at my place.

16May/080

My Favorite Date, Part IV

There's a background to this story. You'll find the others here: Part One, Two and Three.

As we finished bowling, it became obvious neither of us was ready to have the evening end. Alas, the curfew my friend had imposed upon me was nearing, so we walked over to her place. I was hoping I'd be able to convince her to give me her house keys so I could stay out as long as I wanted. Luckily my friend embarrassed me only a teensy tiny bit before handing them over. And so, we were off.

But what to do? We were downtown in a major metropolitan area. It was past midnight. The streets were mostly bare save some homeless people wandering about. I wasn't about to jump into his car and go back to his place.

So we walked. For hours. Without a purpose, other than to continue sharing space with one another. Which was making me vibrate more and more with the energy shared between us, but left me frustrated that I couldn't really get a good look at him unless it was out of the corner of my eye.

Finally we found a place to sit: a beautiful, almost romantic corner next to a community center. We were completely alone, and could do or say anything we wanted to. Yet all we did was talk, and talk. Rather, I talked, and he listened intently. I later found out he'd mentally cataloged every word I'd said. I've never felt so heard in my life, and recognition is a huge part of my motivation.

Several hours passed, and it became obvious that we couldn't stay out all night. It was cold and the concrete seat was uncomfortable. Nothing was open, and I wouldn't get into his car. We hadn't kissed, nor had we touched each other. And I knew that if I looked into his eyes one more time, we would.

Instead, he walked me "home" like the perfect gentleman, saying how happy he was to have met me, and hopefully that we could do it again.

It was a simple date, and after typing it all out I realize I can't recapture the magic I felt that night. But what I did know was that I'd met someone truly special, someone who would change me in a very important way, even if we never saw each other again. This man saw me. He got me. The way he looked at me brought tears to my eyes - he truly, honestly thought I was beautiful, and not just physically.

I've never been a proponent of love at first sight, but that night? Anything was possible.

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16May/080

Still In Love With Him

Earlier today, a friend of mine commented, "Oooooh. You're still IN LOVE with him! Now I get it..."

I was mortified.

Ten minutes later, after making myself seem like even more the fool by trying to explain that I'd never quite fallen in love with him in the first place... I gave up.

Yes. I still have feelings for the guy. Yes. I'd love to date him again/for real. Yes, our first date was my favorite date of all time. Yes, I blog about the dude (what seems like constantly). But no, I'm not obsessed with him, and no, I'm not still in love with him.

I'd like to say I am. It would probably make things a bit easier, and my friends might be a bit more understanding. But I only knew the guy a couple of weeks before we had to part ways initially, and although we've kept in touch and now live eerily close to one another, I'm pretty sure I've screwed up any chance in hell that we'll ever date again.

So I'm trying to date other people - or at the very least MEET other people. It's not going as well as I'd hoped, and I'm finding this town a bit more challenging with its number of eligible bachelors. As in, there aren't a lot. Statistically. I haven't given up. Yet.

But I should be able to mention the gent's name without my friends catcalling silly little songs, right? (A and B, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G...) Right? Or am I just too damn sensitive for my own good?

I really wish I hadn't screwed things up. Perhaps I'll blog about it... how royally I goofed... maybe someone will have a solution. Maybe I didn't goof up as badly as I'd thought, and he's thinking the same damn thing.

Jeezus! Listen to me. I sound like a 14-yr-old schoolgirl with a crush, not a 30-something woman who knows damn well there were genuine feelings on both sides - at one point.

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13May/081

The Abysmal Dating Scene

I read in a press release today that the dating scene is abysmal, and that the prospects for dating aren't anything like what they "used" to be. Of course the press release didn't state what time frame they were referring to, but I got the jist of what they meant.

It reminded me of a line in The Holiday, where Cameron Diaz's character says something along the lines of, "30-something women have a higher risk of dying in a terrorist attack then they do getting married." 'Nuff said.