Earlier today, a friend of mine commented, “Oooooh. You’re still IN LOVE with him! Now I get it…”

I was mortified.

Ten minutes later, after making myself seem like even more the fool by trying to explain that I’d never quite fallen in love with him in the first place… I gave up.

Yes. I still have feelings for the guy. Yes. I’d love to date him again/for real. Yes, our first date was my favorite date of all time. Yes, I blog about the dude (what seems like constantly). But no, I’m not obsessed with him, and no, I’m not still in love with him.

I’d like to say I am. It would probably make things a bit easier, and my friends might be a bit more understanding. But I only knew the guy a couple of weeks before we had to part ways initially, and although we’ve kept in touch and now live eerily close to one another, I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed up any chance in hell that we’ll ever date again.

So I’m trying to date other people - or at the very least MEET other people. It’s not going as well as I’d hoped, and I’m finding this town a bit more challenging with its number of eligible bachelors. As in, there aren’t a lot. Statistically. I haven’t given up. Yet.

But I should be able to mention the gent’s name without my friends catcalling silly little songs, right? (A and B, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G…) Right? Or am I just too damn sensitive for my own good?

I really wish I hadn’t screwed things up. Perhaps I’ll blog about it… how royally I goofed… maybe someone will have a solution. Maybe I didn’t goof up as badly as I’d thought, and he’s thinking the same damn thing.

Jeezus! Listen to me. I sound like a 14-yr-old schoolgirl with a crush, not a 30-something woman who knows damn well there were genuine feelings on both sides - at one point.

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