If he doesn't love me that absolutely, or (okay, let's be honest here) doesn't show signs of being about to become the kind of person who wants to be the first in the emergency room with me when I'm full of tubes and needles, when my life or death is visible in little green zig-zaggy lines and audible in beeps, when my face can barely be seen under the sheets and the masks, when the nurse checks every few minutes to write things down on the clipboard - then I don't know if I can find within myself the emotional energy to do the things to his penis that give him such exquisite pleasure.

Although I may be a bit more torn about the reasons why I enjoy sex (I quite like being in a position of power that allows me to pleasure a lovely penis), I agree that this feeling she's describing is a familiar one to me. Why can't we, as empowered, sexual women, have it all?

Most of the conversations we've had are short and sweet. He's an obvious fan of netspeak (which irks me), and hasn't managed to write more than two lines in reply no matter what the topic of conversation. I get he's a single dad and probably doesn't have a lot of time on his hands to chat though, so I've given him the benefit of the doubt. For now.

All of our "conversations" have happened on OkCupid so far. In one email, he told me that raising his son and watching him grow into a toddler was - literally - better than sex. HUH?!

I wasn't sure how to reply to that one. I mean, I love kids. Really. I adore them. But, I also love sex. Quite a lot. But I've never thought of comparing the two before. Uh... yeah, no.

I basically said just that, after pondering my response for a couple of days. His reply? He hasn't "gotten any" since he had his son, so he was trying to convince himself that caring for a child could replace (or at least make you forget about) physical intimacy with an adult you're romantically involved with.

Hm. I dunno about this guy.