1000 web dates an in-the-trenches view of dating and relationships today

28Jun/081

Updates on My Dates

Lots to share in a short time frame. Let's see how much I can cover!

The Farmer decided that he had to tell me he was going on a non-date with a woman he'd made out with before last Saturday night. The non-date (his words) were to occur at a pool with her in her bikini, which he assured me was a very good thing. Before I could ask why this was important information for him to share, he was gone. The next day, he tells me he was too sick from some sort of food poisoning to "do her again" in the morning, aka morning sex. He still was adamant it wasn't a date. Suddenly, he seemed to realize how inappropriate his rantings were, and mentioned he was doing a pretty good job of putting his foot in his mouth. I haven't bothered talking to him since.

A series of strange events with Better than Sex Guy has had me calling him at his request, and him not picking up or returning my calls, although when I ran into him on the street the other day (completely unawares it was him at first - he looks quite a bit older than his pics in person), he made me promise to call him again. So, I did, one last time, to invite him to the farmer's market. He ignored me, I went anyway, and lo and behold who do I run into as I'm leaving? Him, his son, and a very attractive young redhead, who waved and said hello to me while I tried to get Better than Sex Guy's attention. Somehow he never saw me, so I chatted briefly with the woman at his side. When I got home, I had an email from him stating his son's mom was in town, so this weekend was bad for him - but what's going on on Canada Day? Yeah, no.

Behinder and I have chatted a bit since the big fallout the other day, but nothing has been resolved. We even ran into each other on the street the next day; for some reason I'd chosen to get all dolled up before leaving the house, so as soon as he spotted me, he plastered a shit-eating grin all over his face. Still, I have to wonder about a man who extolls my virtues and amazingness, knows I've wanted him by my side for almost two years, yet pulls a little emo side story as an excuse why he can't date me anymore, and finds the fastest, quickest gal to casually start dating. *sigh*

So that's the sad state of my dating life right now: no dates with which to speak of. Just weird coincidences and behavior from a bunch of motley fools.

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21Jun/084

Addicted to Chat

I've realized the past few nights that I don't really have much of a social life; most of my 'social' time is spent chatting with potential dates and/or friends online. So when everyone - very suddenly! - becomes unavailable to chat, I get a bit antsy. Not that I don't have a bajillion other things to do with my time. But I think perhaps I am addicted to chat.

And what isn't there to like? If a particular chat buddy is in any way literate, the instant gratification is hard to beat. Sure, online its pretty much impossible to create that heady chemistry that makes you swim with desire, but it can get pretty damn close. Ok, so the Ex from Hell was able to do it with me, but that relationship wasn't the healthiest of passions.

So when, two nights in a row, I found myself sans chat buddy, I felt a bit empty and unsure of what to do with myself. Yes I have a stack of fascinating books I've been meaning to devour, and I could quite easily play an hour or two of Final Fantasy 8, my new obsession. But I want to feel attractive, desired and intelligent right NOW! At midnight on a weeknight.

Usually Goblin and I feed our compulsive chat addictions nightly with either a debate about the merits and drawbacks of jumping the Behinder or a circular argument about why him and I aren't dating each other (answer: because I'm still stuck on the Behinder, obviously, and I know Goblin too well to put him in the potential rebound position).

Then there is the Farmer, where up until two days ago we'd been chatting for hours every morning and night about taboo topics such as ex's, diseases of the colon, friends with benefits, and the acceptability of being a carnivore. I've never even met the guy and I realize I miss our unpredictable sittings.

Of course there is the Behinder, with whom I usually shoot the shit with at least once a day depending on his work schedule. Yes, yes. We live mere meters from one another. And when we see each other, invariably one of us has a book or game to share with the other; me some literary smut like Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden, and him Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan. Behinder however is out of town visiting friends for six days, and although he's occasionally been online, I've chosen the route of space-giver due to our last conversation (And You Say Women Are Confusing?), as well as the fact that I have a sneaky suspicion that part of his visit is to meet up with one of the gals he left me for eight or so months ago. Still, as my sister informed and reminded me just yesterday, I love the guy. Truly, completely, unconditionally - and its obvious. I'm missing him more than the rest combined.

There's also an ex-gf who I'll just refer to as S; we talk once in a while late-night too, but she's now a single mom with a 2-year-old, so I don't see her online as often as I used to. S always gives me perspective while openly sharing her affection for me . S is great for the ego - and yet another reason why I'm so addicted to chat.

I think I'll take a chat break this weekend. More hiking, less computer. Yeah.

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19Jun/081

What If He’s Only Had Friends with Benefits?

So the Farmer lives about 1.5hrs South of me (I think), but he doesn't see that as a stumbling block to dating. I thought to myself, if he doesn't think its that big a deal, why should I? So we chat. Still. Often. Usually twice a day.

I was curious as to what he wanted to get out of our MSN-based interactions, because most men I've talked to online seem to want to meet right away. Which has always been fine by me, because I'm not a fan of chatting forever, falling in love online and THEN meeting face to face. Nah, too many expectations. I'd rather get the whole picture as soon as possible, and I'd much rather have my relationships exist in flesh and bloody goodness.

The Farmer, on the other hand, would much rather chat and get to know each other at length before meeting. His reasoning? (You already know, c'mon now... its always a dating disaster story). A psycho first date with a woman who basically started stalking him afterwards. She didn't even post a picture of herself online, but rather someone else. (Her sister? Roommate? I can't remember).

Curious, I ask more about the Farmer's dating experiences. He seems to have a fairly dark view of meeting women online (understandably), and rarely find people he even finds remotely interesting. Lucky me, I passed the first few tests.

And then he drops The Whopper For Which I Was Not Prepared: he isn't fond of dating. In fact, his last two "relationships" were friends with benefits situations that lasted a "long long time".

I fumbled around for words after his admission, and ended up signing off earlier than normal to think a bit.

I hate friends with benefits. Truly hate it. Boots to those who can make it work without hurt feelings, but I have yet to see or experience a 'successful' FWB first-hand. And if it isn't already obvious, I'm sore on the subject because I've been made a friend with benefits a few times without being told.

Here's what bugs me: FWB is basically a cop-out to avoid actual intimacy with another human being. Something is being filled (literally!) but the actual joy of intercourse is being thrown out the window completely. Its the same reason why I don't enjoy sex doggy-style; I cannot connect with my partner. What irks me even more are the men who have FWB relationships exclusively. They are essentially emotionally unavailable (as opposed to emotionally distant), and that's definitely NOT what I am looking for.

So do I keep on talking to this guy, knowing he's already told me what I need to know?

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17Jun/080

Time To Start Dating Again

I think I've been in hiding long enough. So far no dates, but I am chatting with a couple of gents.

  • Better Than Sex Guy: He's finally moved to town and his Internet connection is hooked up. Still, his emails are brief - his last one three words long, extolling the virtues of having a park across the street from his house.

  • Favorite Date Guy, aka the Behinder: Ok, so I doubt we'll date again, but dammit, I want to. Add to his confusing as hell chat the other night, and I've confirmed my torch-holding days aren't over yet. *sigh*

  • The Farmer: This guy is a New Kid on the Block; I've just started chatting with him. I think he may be more of a fisherman than a farmer, but all he's shared so far is that he just finished a BSc, and he's currently working on his parents farm. He lives (by his estimation) about 1.5hrs North of me, so I doubt I'll be meeting him anytime soon. He's got me a bit worried, too, since he's said several times he's very picky about the women he dates. I have a feeling I've already been picked out of his dating patch. Still, he instigates conversation several times a day, and seems intelligent, sexy, witty and a bit dark. Just how I like 'em.

  • Homesteader: Also a newbie, this gent just messaged me today. He lives remotely, homesteading and raising cattle, and rarely gets Internet access. His photos and personality are exceptionally intriguing to me - but he lives more than four hours away. His profile also says he's got kids who live with their Mom but "that shouldn't matter because I'm not looking for my soulmate or anything". Uh, yeah. At least he's honest, but based on that comment alone I doubt we'll connect. I'll still keep the communications open, for now.

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About 1000 Web Dates

This site chronicles my personal dating stories. I'll share the juicy details of how I met my dates, what happened on said dates, how I dealt with breakups, and what I did to find (and keep) the partnership I've always sought. This dating blog is rated NC-17 with occasional blips into more adult territory.

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