1000 web dates an in-the-trenches view of dating and relationships today

1Mar/100

My Favorite Sexy Games for Couples

I've played a few sexy games in my day - sometimes they were made up on the fly, but other times they were purchased and explored in the privacy of one of our homes. Some of my more memorable moments have taken place thanks to a sexy game or two. The ones purchased on a whim are my favorites; I don't think about whether or not its cheap or silly, I just get them, introduce them, and see what happens.

Late last month The Dude and I played a few of these games, almost as a joke to see who could keep a straight face throughout the process the longest. Interestingly, some of them were more fun than (I think) either of us anticipated, so here's my run-down of some of my favs.

Sexy Game #1: A Hot Affair... With Your Partner

A Hot Affair... With Your Partner is tied with the next sexy game on this list for my favorite. Not only did it get me laughing with The Dude, but we had the option to make the game mild or wild depending on our mood.

Sexy Game #2: Lust!

A card-based board game with 30,000 different "Love Making" variations, Lust! is definitely meant to be enjoyed as a couples-only game. You roll the die and progress along the board by selecting cards that are then acted out together, culminating in the winner who ultimately decides (with consent) which cards get acted out in sequence for an unusual how-to. I liked Lust! for its ability to shake things up between us, but I don't know if it would be a weekly or even monthly thing. Still, it was a whole lotta fun. ;)

Sexy Game #3: Fetish!

Ok now we've found a sexy game! Fetish is definitely an adults-only game, where two people discover what sexual fetishes they possess via the four fetishes of Food, Feet, Voyeurism and Domination. Its a board game, and you progress depending on which fetish interests you. If none of them do? Pick another sexy game.

Sexy Game #4: Sexdrive

Kind of a mix between a racing car game and a sexual knowledge game, Sexdrive quizzes 2-6 players on a variety of adult questions from eight different categories. I both enjoyed bits and pieces of this game and got caught up in some of the language/play, but it might be fun with a group of, well, open-minded folks.

Sexy Game #5: Sexy Secrets Game

Kind of a naughty truth or dare, the sexy secrets game wasn't too bad. The box said it can be played with 2-6 people, but I thought that some of the, er, 'skeletons in the closet' -type questions were a bit much for folks who don't know each other intimately.

Sexy Game #6: Adult Loaded Questions

More of an adult-themed party game than a sexy game for couples, Adult Loaded Questions asks players to answer a question by writing it down, and then reading the answers aloud to guess who said what. Players advance by guessing correctly. I wouldn't want to play it with my family, but its not that much of a 'sexy' game per say, although still a lot of fun.

7Dec/080

Talking Sex with an Ex

I'll admit it: I talked at length about sex with an ex, namely Behinder (the guy my friends say I am still in love with). I usually cringe when calling him an ex, because we only really dated for a couple of weeks, but whatever. Right? We dated. It was hot and heavy and surprisingly serious. He's an ex.

It started when I shared the comments of, interestingly enough, one of the same people who has been jeering me about still having feelings for the guy. "You need the sense fucked into you," he said. I might as well come up with a name for the guy, since I've mentioned him twice now. Er... yes. The Goblin, because it suits his personality well.

Goblin was harassing me about having hot and heavy sex talks with behinder on a semi-regular basis. Prompted by me? No, no, definitely not. Behinder would go out of his way to try and bring up past shared sexual experiences to gauge my reaction, or tease me with things he knew I found arousing. His coup de gras was getting me to masturbate after getting so excited that I couldn't help myself. Not in his presence mind you. Just online via chat. Of course, he was doing the same thing.

Was it wrong? It felt wrong, but oh-so-right at the same time. Later, much later, I found out that he was dating the STD nurse during this whole eight month long fiasco. She had no idea at the time what her boyfriend was doing with me, nor did she know of the overlap between us when they first met. Eventually she 'forgave him' his transgressions, because "nothing physical ever happened". Whatever helps you sleep at night, right?

When I found out about him having a girlfriend while seducing me yet again, I blew up. Wasn't pretty, but was drawn out. I felt betrayed in ways I couldn't describe - even more so than if we'd done the deed (again). Why? Because to me, the seduction was more intimate than any sexual encounter Behinder and I had shared - and we'd shared some intensely personal sessions. And so now, I won't talk sex with an ex - because I know now that (a) he's probably got someone else I don't know about, and (b) its so much more intimate for me to get in my head than get in my pants.

29Jun/083

Heartbroken

I hate using the word heartbroken, because it reminds me of some sort of emo-filled teen angst song. But right now, that's about how I feel.

Behinder has finally come clean with me. He's sorry for leading me on and acting seductively, he says because of his "emotional idiocy", he didn't think what it would do to me. But yes, he's been dating STD Nurse for eight months now, and he has no intention of changing that anytime soon.

So he not only purposefully hid this tidbit from me, but he went out of his way to tell me he was only casually dating instead of the "not casual" relationship he's having. She's even visited him here (they live three hours apart), and, lucky me, he decided to tell me that she "wears him out" when she visits. Tactless, yes, but I was blown away that he'd tolerate once-a-month sex, considering he's ended relationships in the past because he didn't get once-a-day sex.

Interestingly, he also shared that if they were not dating, its possible he'd pursue something with me again. Because there isn't any of sort incompatibility between us; just his own dumbass mistakes.

Supposedly he's telling STD Nurse his transgressions with me - namely, not telling her he was with me when he started fooling around with her, as well as his repeated attempts to get me to masturbate, because he "loved" getting me to that place so often. Also supposedly, STD Nurse doesn't care, because its "not physical".

Is anyone else buying the bullshit? I'm sure as hell not.

So I told Behinder today that he'd pulled one too many stunts with me. He leveraged both our relationship and our friendship so he could date this woman, a deceitful, manipulative "sweet" girl. I said I hoped the charade was all worth it, because he'd utterly humiliated me. He didn't deserve my love or friendship, even though he had both, unconditionally.

If anyone has some good 'purge-the-ex' ideas, I'm all ears. I've run into Behinder now twice in two days, and it sucks. Hugely. Although it might be fun to run into him when he's with the STD Nurse... I can think of a lot of things I'd love to tell her.

25Jun/080

Must-Read Dating Blog

Honestly. Sexagenarian and the City is incredible. A recent post,

If he doesn't love me that absolutely, or (okay, let's be honest here) doesn't show signs of being about to become the kind of person who wants to be the first in the emergency room with me when I'm full of tubes and needles, when my life or death is visible in little green zig-zaggy lines and audible in beeps, when my face can barely be seen under the sheets and the masks, when the nurse checks every few minutes to write things down on the clipboard - then I don't know if I can find within myself the emotional energy to do the things to his penis that give him such exquisite pleasure.

Although I may be a bit more torn about the reasons why I enjoy sex (I quite like being in a position of power that allows me to pleasure a lovely penis), I agree that this feeling she's describing is a familiar one to me. Why can't we, as empowered, sexual women, have it all?

19Jun/081

What If He’s Only Had Friends with Benefits?

So the Farmer lives about 1.5hrs South of me (I think), but he doesn't see that as a stumbling block to dating. I thought to myself, if he doesn't think its that big a deal, why should I? So we chat. Still. Often. Usually twice a day.

I was curious as to what he wanted to get out of our MSN-based interactions, because most men I've talked to online seem to want to meet right away. Which has always been fine by me, because I'm not a fan of chatting forever, falling in love online and THEN meeting face to face. Nah, too many expectations. I'd rather get the whole picture as soon as possible, and I'd much rather have my relationships exist in flesh and bloody goodness.

The Farmer, on the other hand, would much rather chat and get to know each other at length before meeting. His reasoning? (You already know, c'mon now... its always a dating disaster story). A psycho first date with a woman who basically started stalking him afterwards. She didn't even post a picture of herself online, but rather someone else. (Her sister? Roommate? I can't remember).

Curious, I ask more about the Farmer's dating experiences. He seems to have a fairly dark view of meeting women online (understandably), and rarely find people he even finds remotely interesting. Lucky me, I passed the first few tests.

And then he drops The Whopper For Which I Was Not Prepared: he isn't fond of dating. In fact, his last two "relationships" were friends with benefits situations that lasted a "long long time".

I fumbled around for words after his admission, and ended up signing off earlier than normal to think a bit.

I hate friends with benefits. Truly hate it. Boots to those who can make it work without hurt feelings, but I have yet to see or experience a 'successful' FWB first-hand. And if it isn't already obvious, I'm sore on the subject because I've been made a friend with benefits a few times without being told.

Here's what bugs me: FWB is basically a cop-out to avoid actual intimacy with another human being. Something is being filled (literally!) but the actual joy of intercourse is being thrown out the window completely. Its the same reason why I don't enjoy sex doggy-style; I cannot connect with my partner. What irks me even more are the men who have FWB relationships exclusively. They are essentially emotionally unavailable (as opposed to emotionally distant), and that's definitely NOT what I am looking for.

So do I keep on talking to this guy, knowing he's already told me what I need to know?